“Before I die I want to ____.”
Have you ever asked yourself this question? It is a biggie. Something that takes a bit of time to think about. I always thought I had my list memorized. I knew everything I wanted to do. But no. When being confronted with the question you quickly realize you can not properly express everything you want to do. Before I die I want to…. I mean, wow! It isn’t a pleasant experience to be faced with the fact that we will eventually run out of time. That there won’t actually be endless time for us to accomplish and do everything we want to and eventually we will no longer be here. I think it is easy for us to get caught up in the day to day dramas and routines of the world and forget that we are only here but for a short time. However, the other night there it was in black and white. I am not sure if the world was either playing an evil joke on me or trying to help me but this very question is the one question which can bring upon massive amounts of anxiety for me. That idea that I am running out of time.
I have touched on this issue I suffer with – anxiety of not doing and seeing all I want to – in my The Big Reveal post. It isn’t a fear of dying that brings on the anxiety it is the genuine fear that I won’t accomplish my list of must see and do’s before I go. I really do have this unquenchable thirst to see the world and touch and feel this life. To have a life where that is not completed is terrifying to me. So when I was confronted with this board, well four boards, all staring at me with their simple text, “Before I die I want to” I almost went numb. Where does one start? For me – It is seeing the world. So that is what I wrote. But how can you only write down one simple line. There is SO much I want to do. It almost seemed unfair they would give you such a small space. But then it felt real, that I had to come up with one single sentence. I had to categorize everything on my list into what was most important to me at that moment. Of course I would now change my answer to something much more meaningful but when you are confronted with something, you almost don’t have time to rationally think.
The question has stayed with me for days and has created great conversation for the husband and I. We have spent nights connecting over everything we want to do in this life and everything we want to see and accomplish together. Yesterday I was back in the area where these boards are and I spent a good amount of time reading each and every word. I was blown away at the simplicity of some of these wishes and touched by others. We all have wishes and dreams in this world and it is refreshing to remember yours and read others. It almost feels good that someone asked what I wanted to do. It made me remember my childhood list and go back through and mentally check-off a few that I have already done while adding new ones for the future. Since it was beneficial to me I wanted to take the time to ask you! You don’t have to tell me, but maybe say it to yourself. It is refreshing to think about!
I ask you one simple but completely complex question – “Before you die, what do YOU want to do?”